If you really think your roommate is into it and you’ve already sought counsel from outside sources, you might as well go for it. This might take a while to work up to: Patrick said it took him a year and a half to make a move on his now-girlfriend. With the peace and harmony of your living situation at stake, you can (and should) take your time.
For Patrick and Sam, things fell into place naturally one night while they were hanging out in the living room. We generally recommend making your move outside of the home, though, because if things go wrong, you don’t want to associate an awkward memory with one of the rooms in your house.
Be upfront and honest. Instead of leaning in for a kiss with no warning, express your feelings. There’s a chance your roommate won’t see this coming, so as much as you want that movie-perfect first kiss scene, be careful. Still, only you know the real vibes of the situation. If it truly feels like you can just go for it, go ahead, but only if you’re totally certain you both want it to happen.
Understand if other roommates are unhappy
“I was mad, to be honest,” she said. “We were all really really close friends and [suddenly] I felt left out. I kind of blew up, and there were a few days of silence, which is not fun when there’s two of them and one of you. We were a really close group of friends and I was so sad that the dynamic was changing.”
Patrick’s memories of that time are the same: “It was hard because Caitlyn promptly kind of lost her shit when we first got together. We still had separate bedrooms but would alternate bedrooms and were always sleeping together.”
He added that he and Sam were as respectful as they could be, keeping PDA “to an absolute minimum” and telling Caitlyn immediately the morning after they first got together. If you share a home with multiple people and start hooking up with one of them, do what they did and be honest with your other roommates. Remember, they deserve to have transparency about the goings-on in their own home. You want to avoid anything that could cause a fight, like lying or being too handsy in shared spaces, because that’s only going to make the whole thing worse.
“Ultimately, this is two adults making their own decisions and they are entitled to that even if you worry about the end result,” she said. “Thankfully, they were really respectful with not being super intimate in shared spaces, so that wasn’t an issue.”
Have a contingency plan
Make sure you still split chores and finances normally, or at least talk about any changes to the set-up thoroughly so no one gets resentful. Most couples wait a while to move in together, but you won’t get that chance. You’re already entering into this with personal grievances about each other’s tidiness or the individual habits most people keep from the partners for as long as possible. Knowing each other that well from the beginning has its drawbacks, but it can also make your partnership stronger and more authentic right off the bat. Always communicate, be honest, and respect that you’re functioning as a couple and as joint caretakers of the home.
And be prepared: If you break up, it’s going to be weird. It’s going to be so weird, even weirder than any other breakup you’ve had. For a while at least, you’ll have to come home every night to see the person you just broke up with. You’ll know if they sleep over at someone else’s house or-worse-have a new hookup come over.